and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
