Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
