I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
