Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
