I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
