So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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