Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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