I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
