Where did you get a picture of my penis
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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