I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
