You smell like a Billy Joel song
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
