If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
