I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
