Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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