he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
