I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
