Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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