His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
