i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
