After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
