The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
