that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
