I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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