hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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