We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
