your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
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she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
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His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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