Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
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I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
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I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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