he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
