Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
