the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
