You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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