I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
