I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
