he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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