you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
we're so committed to being not committed
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
