I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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