I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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