you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
