I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
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A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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