Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
is that a dick in a sweater?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
