now i know why i became what i already was.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
