I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize