At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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