one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
