Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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