did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
