y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
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