I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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