A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
