Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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