I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
