the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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