you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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