:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I met the friendliest cop last night
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
