Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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