So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
