My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
