I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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