making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
