I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize