I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
