This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
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I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
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The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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