she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
