First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
