i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
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