2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
