walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
