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WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
