I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
