I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
