My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
