sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Panties = found
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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