Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
