would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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