I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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