Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
