He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
