I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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