I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
