I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
