could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
