i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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