I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
