you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
