I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
