Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
